Below is Peter Gallagher's Heathcliff comic from July 31, 2008. This is no doubt the longest interrogation in history.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Heathcliff has apparently shoved a giant hot dog over a singing balloon salesman, deforming the man's arm in the process. Pop pretends to be asleep while Mrs Nutmeg tells the man that her husband always remembers his birthday.
Monday, August 24, 2009
A cloud of steam has risen from the fish market window, blocking out what appears to be a large eel lying within. In the market, the a fish is emerging from the fishmonger's shirt.
Mrs Nutmeg accuses Heathcliff of fogging the window, unaware that someone has twisted the cat's paws behind his back.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Heathcliff is happily strolling along the sidewalk when a cocoon with wings appears in front of him and says, "Bzzz." Heathcliff responds by opening his eyes and losing his mouth. Suddenly a whole squadron of winged cocoons appear and simultaneously say ,"Bzzz." This time Heathcliff performs a ritualistic movement in which he levitates above the sidewalk with his tongue protruding. The cocoons seems to want more, but having no more to offer, Heathcliff turns and runs. Despite the awkwardness of running upright, Heathcliff refuses to go down on all four paws.
Forming a small white cloud behind his feet, Heathcliff continues running down the sidewalk with the cocoons matching his speed. At one point Heathcliff tries changing his color, but the cocoons are not fooled and they continue their pursuit.
Finally Heathcliff arrives home. Rushing in the door which had been left open, he slams it behind himself and spits out a hairball. Suddenly a rodent dressed in a bee costume appears and says, "Bzzz," possibly telling Heathcliff that he can speak the language of the cocoons which are probably still hovering outside of the door. A white cloud then appears with the word "swat" written on it.
In the last panel, the costumed rodent is attempting to stand on his head. Another rodent has arrived and is trying to speak English, forming nonsense words like "bee-ish."
And so passes another day in the inexplicable life of Heathcliff.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Using his litterbox scoop, Heathcliff litters the street with bones from a bucket. On the sidewalk, a dogcatcher tells a passerby that Heathcliff is like a fisherman using chum. Apparently the dogcatcher believes that there are dogs hiding beneath the asphalt that will now burst to the surface to get the bones. So confident is he of this, that he has his fishing net ready.
Once again, the streets are dominated by members of the strange Yellow Shoe Society.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Heathcliff appears to have eaten a bird. He is seen here spitting what looks like bird shit along with a small group of feathers into the face of the umpire. The umpire is unable to step out of the way on account of a dwarf dressed in blue, sitting on his feet.
Iggy seems embarrassed by his cat's revolting behavior and tries to distract his friend by talking about sunflower seeds.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Hired as an ambulance siren, Heathcliff was embarrased to learh he had climbed onto the wrong vehicle.
Heathcliff is seated on a poorly drawn ice cream truck with no steering wheel. With his mouth open, he is shedding numerous droplets of milk for reasons unknown.
The owner of the ice cream truck is ignoring the cat's strange behavior. He is trying to return a cup of coffee to a coffee shop employee, saying "It's even worse during lunch break." Apparently he's telling the coffee shop worker to start making fresh coffee for the lunch time.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Having to pay $65.00 to be told what was obvious, Iggy gains appreciation for the phrase, "There's a sucker born every minute."
Heathcliff emerges from a fortune-teller's office, looking as though he's been punched in the stomach and shedding droplets of milk. The fortune-teller tells Iggy that her tarot cards have said that Heathcliff has fleas. Iggy, in his yellow shoes, looks after Heathcliff as if trying to decide whether to allow him to return home or to leave him with the fortune-teller as payment.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Heathcliff is experimenting with subliminal programming. Now understanding the concept fully, he has but a single slide.
Iggy and Mrs Nutmeg have succumbed to boredom. Pop is a little stronger willed, yet he seems to be incapable of moving from the couch. Instead he merely grumbles that he's tired of Heathcliff's powerpoint presentation.
Not being open to criticism, heathcliff is unfazed.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Heathcliff and Sonja are together on a couch in the office of a couples counselor. Why they are not seated on separate chairs is a mystery. Why a pair of cats in in the counselor's office is also a mystery.
Heathcliff seems to have fallen asleep from sheer boredom while Sonja seems irritated by the dark stain on the counselor's elbow. The counselor appears to have been taking notes when he suddenly realizes that there are cats in his office. The fact that he has been recording the responses of creatures incapable of speech, coupled with the fact that cats can't pay, causes him to say, "I believe I see the problem." Having seen the problem, it can be assumed that he will now seek counseling for himself.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Heathcliff is seen fishing in his little cat-sized fisherman suit with his little cat-sized fishing rod. After having some success, he comes home walking only on his hind paws, tipping his hat to Mrs Nutmeg and her companion. He then enters a small room strewn with mounted garbage, to which he adds his newest catch.
The most interesting thing about this cartoon is Mrs Nutmeg's friend. Although she appears frequently, she never speaks (probably due to the fact that she has no mouth). One possibility is that Mrs Nutmeg, in abject loneliness, has make friends with a lifesized blow-up doll. Another, more probably possibility is that Mrs Nutmeg has lost her mind. Committed to a mental institution, the entire cartoon is therefore nothing but a figment of her warped imagination.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Tired of the old woman's cooking, Heathcliff and Iggy imitate baby birds in hopes of a meal of worms.
Heathcliff and Iggy appear to have taken over a bird's nest, and are now imitating the baby birds, screaming with their mouths open in hopes of being fed. Below, a sleepwalking fireman is walking by carrying a ladder. Mrs Nutmeg makes a totally irrelevant comment about the sheer idiocy surrounding her being caused by "those back to school sales."
Blogger's note: if anyone can make any sense out of this, please leave a comment!
Friday, August 14, 2009
His application to replace Paula Abdul on "American Idol" denied, Pop decided to start his own show.
Heathcliff appears to be howling in pain atop a fence as a group of male cats below stare at a poster for the "Cats Musical." Pop Nutmeg has apparently been watching a PBS Special from the UK about suffering cats, for he is babbling that Heathcliff is doing a knockoff of "that British Show." Any reference to the sign on the fence to "Britain's Got Talent" is lost, as Pop can't read the sign from where he is.
In the sky a crooked musical note floats by overhead, along with a star, a white cloud, an asterisk and a small white egg. In the corner is the frequently appearing black cloud with the odd-shaped Pac Man inside.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Heathcliff rejects the daily special of fossilized Diplomystus Dentatus fish from the Eocene Period.
A strangely dressed man blocks the narrow entrance to a fish market, holding the skeletal remains of a fish mounted on cardboard. Such an abomination disgusts Heathcliff, who turns and walks away. In the market, a fishmonger tries to turn a horrified customer's attention from the spectacle by babbling about satisfied customers.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
A man with fogged up glasses and a mouth full of piano keys sits in a chair staring at a misshapen rodent.
Outside, Pop has failed to notice the strange scene, just as he's failed to notice his own cat standing upright with its paws twisted behind its back. The senile old man seems to be looking at something in the distance which has caused him to believe the economy is rebounding.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Heathcliff is parading through the park, firing hairballs through a flute while dressed as a Scottish inner tube. As he walks, musical notes rise up from his backside. A group of squirrels have stopped their squirrely activities to watch the abnormality pass by.
In the background, a young man makes a seemingly irrelevant comment about controlling the squirrel population. Possibly, if the young man is extremely intoxicated and has a very vivid imagination, he could have mistaken Heathcliff's strange costume for a large acorn. In that case, he could believe that Heathcliff, as a large nut, is trying to lead the squirrels from the park. However, the musical instrument is still unexplained. Heathcliff can not be emulating the Pied Piper, for the Pied Piper did not embarrass himself by dressing as a large piece of cheese.
Analyzing the comic proves more taxing every day.
Monday, August 10, 2009
With all the dogs having been rounded up, the animal control officer thinks it's time to start focusing on cats.
Catching a group of rare, purple dogs involved in a group orgy, Heathcliff and a man with yellow shoes have managed to impale them with several strands of piano wire.
The flagrant idiocy of this comic prevents little more from being said.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Heathcliff presents a human woman with flowers, then frightens her with a mouth full of piano keys.
Meanwhile a female cat is standing upright, fluffing her whiskers before a mirror. Suddenly she crosses her arms and stares at the reader. Realizing that someone is actually reading the comic, she sprinkles herself with a food topping.
The woman's husband has now appeared, concerned that a cat is giving his wife flowers. But it matters not, as Heathcliff follows the female cat outside, little pink hearts appearing above his head at the smell of the food topping. The husband watches them go, concerned about the possibly of being burdened with horribly grotesque kittens.
A strange alien craft has appeared in the sky, in front of a single black cloud.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Heathcliff appears to have shoved a bat in one of Iggy's ears and out the other. Iggy does not seem to mind.
Pop is blathering that Heathcliff is pointing to the hot dog stand. Pop has been out in the sun too long if this trivial fact fascinates him, yet he thinks nothing of a cat wearing a uniform, standing upright and holding a baseball bat.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Heathcliff lures an old woman away from the "Cheap Club" with the promise of a hedonistic night of indulging in cat treats.
Mrs Nutmeg is whining to Heathcliff that there'll be no room for her in the car. Heathcliff appears totally unconcerned, and if he were capable of speech, he'd probably say, "Who needs you, bitch?" After all, by himself he is carrying an 8 foot box that must weigh 20 times his own weight, and he somehow must have paid for it with his own funds. If he's capable of that, then he can probably drive the car too.
Mrs Nutmeg should have no problem finding her own ride home from the "Cheap Club."
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Heathcliff and Pop strive for the Guinness Book of World Records' title of "Longest Time Spent With A Laptop Balanced On The Head Of A Cat Which is Using Another Laptop."
The Nutmegs must have had all of the furniture repossessed, for there can be no other explanation for Pop and Heathcliff's idiotic seating arrangement. Iggy is blathering some drivel about them having a blog battle, which makes no sense either.
The most likely thing I can figure out is that they're playing the old Milton Bradley game of Battleship, in which Pop has come up with their unorthodox way of sitting in order to see Heathcliff's ship positions.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Heathcliff has brought a can of human remains into the Ass 19 Pizza shop, complete with a broken tooth and a femur bone. Apparently the shop is a Mafia front, and Heathcliff wants to prove his worth as a hit man.
The don however, is not impressed.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Heathcliff, in planning a major terrorist attack, is trying to order an entire keg of the highly toxic Botulinum Toxin (Botox). The surgeon apparently is familiar with aiding terrorists, for he does not seem surprised at all by the unorthodox request. He merely indicated to Heathcliff that he'll have to obtain the toxin in other quantities.
John McCain is probably thinking that such activities would not be going on if he had been elected president.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Mrs Nutmeg believes that a skywriter has fallen in love with them and is showing it by writing the word "Purr." The street in front of their house has disappeared entirely. Heathcliff sits motionless on the sidewalk, his paws somehow having become fused to his body. As always, Pop never misses a chance to show off his yellow shoes.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
A pizza delivery man arrives at the house and Pop and Iggy hide behind the door to avoid paying. Heathcliff opens the box and releases a myriad of poorly drawn creatures, including an octopus, a snake and a duck.
The only way that this comic can make any sense is if the pizza box represents Pandora's Box, and the creatures represent all of the stupidity that Peter Gallagher has released into the world of comics. Unlike Pandora's Box however, no hope remains with Heathcliff.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
At least Brad Anderson makes an attempt to draw a new Marmaduke every day, even if the characters often appear to be melting. Peter Gallagher however, can not always be bothered to do the same for Heathcliff. Here he has reused a sad comic from 22 July 2008, where a pair of mice are dining close to an enormous mouse hole in which Heathcliff has stuck his head. By altering only Heathcliff's expression and adding a small stick of dynamite to the piece of cheese, he has managed to make the joke worse. The sad part is that he's had over a year to think about it.
But the saddest part of all is that on comics.com, 8 people gave it 4 out of 5 stars. Who the hell votes for this stuff?
Friday, July 31, 2009
Having left his litter box at home, Heathcliff requests permission to perform a burial ritual in the pitcher's mound.
A baseball pitcher with a huge pimple on his chin, is standing on the pitcher's mound, facing the dugout. Heathcliff is offering his make-up kit so the pitcher can see and treat the zit. The pitcher however, appears to have fallen asleep.
In the dugout, the manager is saying "He's trying a different bubble gum flavor." Not only would this be an unsatisfactory reason to stop a baseball game, but the manager cannot see what's going on as he has no eyes.