Sunday, July 5, 2009 Heathcliff Analyzed

Heathcliff arrives at the beach. In the second panel he lifts his tail and says "Ahh," and a small pile appears on the sand behind him. Choosing not to bury it as most cats would, he places his paw in his mouth and produces a musical note. This summons Iggy Nutmeg, who arrives with a life-size blowup doll with no mouth nor arms. Iggy produces a bottle from his purse and explains to the doll that it's suntan lotion. The doll does the only thing that a doll can do: stares unblinkingly.

Growing an extra limb, Heathcliff spreads the lotion on himself. The comic then repeats itself, with the production of the musical note and the appearance of Iggy and the blowup doll. Producing another bottle from his purse, Iggy tells the doll that this one has a much higher rating, as it's for Heathcliff's fleas and they burn. Heathcliff applies this one without the aid of an extra limb, and the pile remains uncovered.

The End.

One Year Ago (4 July 2008) Heathcliff Recaptioned

In an uncharacteristic act of kindness, Heathcliff directs some disoriented mice to the local parade route.

Saturday, July 4, 2009 Heathcliff Analyzed

Not sure whether he should call a veterinarian or a proctologist, Mr Nutmeg decides to photograph the problem.

I have recently learned that Heathcliff's owners are called the Nutmeg Family. I had been calling them the Nutcase Family, so I wasn't far off.

As for today's Heathcliff: At first glance it appears that Heathcliff is defying gravity by performing an impossible balancing act on Mrs Nutmeg's head. However, upon closer inspection, the cat's tail is clearly seen emerging from behind the old woman's head. This can only mean one thing: That Mrs Nutmeg has her head stuck up Heathcliff's ass.

Note the look on Heathcliff's face. He is clearly enjoying this. Mrs Nutmeg, on the other hand, does not appear to be deriving pleasure from the situation, but then again, she doesn't appear to be objecting to it either. With an expression of indifference on her mouth (the only part of her face still visible), she is standing with her hands in her pockets, in tranquil tolerance. Perhaps the old woman placed the cat there herself to hide a bad hair day. In any event, her demeanor indicates that this isn't the first time this has happened.

Mr Nutmeg, whose head was abused by Heathcliff in my first post of this blog, is seen photographing this spectacle. This is understandable, as it's not everyday that you come across an old woman with her head stuck up a cat's ass. However, it appears here that Mr Nutmeg is merely taking a family portrait. He is asking for one more, but with less Heathcliff. Understandably, his wife's head up their pet's butt wouldn't look good on Christmas cards, but his words indicate that even though he wants another shot, the one he just took was acceptable.

The most disturbing thing about this is that it's published in newspapers around the world.

One Year Ago (7/3/08) Heathcliff Recaptioned

Short on cash, Heathcliff asks the florist if she'll take a dead, bloated dog as payment.

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Friday, July 3, 2009 Heathcliff Analyzed

Awakening to see his courtroom overrun by cats, the judge closed his eyes and allowed himself to slowly drift off back to sleep.

The scene here appears to be a courtroom, although I could be mistaken. At the bench we see a judge, apparently asleep. In the witness chair are a pair of identical two-headed, white cats, each with a second head growing from the top of the first. Both cats are seated with crossed arms, having a staring contest with a man in a blue suit, also with crossed arms. This strange blue-suited man has lost his feet, and is somehow floating above the floor. Seated at a table in the foreground are Heathcliff and a man. The man is asking Heathcliff, "Any more ex-girlfriends?"

Now, just what the hell is this supposed to mean? Are the mutant cats ex-girlfriends of Heathcliff? This wouldn't be suprising as in this week alone we've seen Heathcliff romantically involved with a refrigerator and a pair of trash cans. But why is the man asking this? Are they witnesses testifying against Heathcliff for something? If so, why are they on the witness stand together? And why are they not being questioned? A more likely explanation is that the man's a recruiter for a circus freak show. Earlier this week we saw Heathcliff in some sort of clown outfit, so it would stand to reason that Heathcliff is involved with a circus.

But regardless who is who in this comic, why is all this taking place in a courtroom? And the biggest mystery of all is, why on comics.com did 11 people vote this 4.5 out of 5 stars?

Maybe it's just me . . . .

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One Year Ago (7/2/08) Heathcliff Recaptioned

The umpire regretted his demand to know what was in Heathcliff's flask.

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Thursday, July 2, 2009 Heathcliff the Cat Analyzed

Fearful of rejection by his own kind, Heathcliff flirts with a pair of garbage cans.

A pair of troublemakers in yellow gloves, appear to be taking trash cans from behind the houses and placing them on the sidewalk, apparently in hopes of creating a tripping hazard. Heathcliff, elated at having cleverly circumvented the danger, turns his head and flirtatiously blows a kiss to the two garbage receptacles.

It appears that Heathcliff is in definite need of psychiatric help. In the short time that I have been writing this blog, I have seen him show romantic interest in a refrigerator and an old man's head, not to mention using a tuba to summon an unknown species for mating purposes. It seems that nothing is safe in this town from his amorous advances (with the possible exception of female cats).

Seeing Heathcliff avoid their obstacle, one of the troublemakers makes the statement that "He's reluctantly sticking to that diet." As no food is visible, and Heathcliff appears as fat as ever, this statement is totally irrelevant and should be disregarded as meaningless drivel.

In the sky is a mysterious disk which I had mistakenly believed earlier to be the moon. However, as it appears in front of the only cloud in the sky, and has a square chunk missing, I can only assume that it's a UFO.

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Wednesday, July 1, 2009 Heathcliff Analyzed

. . . . and here Heathcliff is seen modeling the latest style in circus accessories, a crumb-embellished clown costume with a lovely janitorial cap to complete the look. A loose, baggy fit, it's just perfect for those awkward fat days.

Two old men are seated on a bench, feeding crumbs to some strange blue birds without eyes. Heathcliff then appears, apparently forced to walk upright as his front legs are missing. He is attired in a baggy costume and cap adorned with large designs which resemble crumbs. One of the old men tosses crumbs on Heathcliff as he passes, then explains that "It's crumb camouflage."

So what the hell is going on here? Has Heathcliff donned this strange costume in the hope of appearing as a group of floating crumbs? If so, what has prompted such unconventional behavior.

Does he fear the birds and hope to pass by unnoticed? Despite their lack of eyes, the birds appear to have noticed him and, having ceased eating, are staring in amazement.

Does he wish to swoop in unobserved with the intent of eating the birds? If so, why didn't he dress like a bird? He'd have much more luck by acting like a cat even, instead of dressing like a a retarded circus clown. Besides, yesterday Heathcliff was enamored with a refrigerator, leading us to believe that he preferred a diet of human food.

Does he wish to camouflage himself so as to confuse the old men into tossing crumbs to him as well? I don't know how this would be possible, yet it may be the most likely explanation as it's the only one that appears to have worked.

But the question which remains, as it does after every Heathcliff comic is Why? Why the hell is Heathcliff doing this? Why the hell is this comic being published? Why the hell am I reading this comic? And what is the deal with the yellow shoes?

Tuesday, June 30, 2009 Heathcliff the Cat Analyzed

Rejected by his own species, Heathcliff attempts to form a meaningful relationship with a major appliance.

Outside in the yard, two elderly women are talking at a fence. The one in black, who is apparently Heathcliff's owner, is telling the other, who appears to be the grandmother of Marcie, from Peanuts, that "He writes sonnets to it." He apparently refers to Heathcliff, while it apparently refers to the refrigerator.

Why a cat would write poetry to a refrigerator is beyond comprehension. In this strip we see that Heathcliff has gone beyond simply writing sonnets, and has actually tried to read one. However, restricted by his inability to speak, he can to nothing more than to toss a piece of popcorn at the refrigerator.

Although this comic is rather disappointing in its flagrant idiocy, I have managed to find areas of mild interest in the background. For one, the door is too small for the frame; but the most interesting point of all is how Heathcliff's owner has managed to camouflage her legs with the fence.

Monday, June 29, 2009 Heathcliff Analyzed

A baseball umpire calmly succumbs to his fate of being overrun by sightless skunks.

Heathcliff is seated on a bench with some baseball players. As he is dressed in a little cat-sized uniform, it would appear that he is the mascot. However, he is blowing a whistle, which is not normal mascotlike activity.

In the foreground, an umpire is standing at the home plate, his nose in the air, while two skunks are perched on his shoulders. At his feet, two more skunks patiently wait their turn. Despite the strange weapon that the umpire is holding, he makes no attempt to discourage the skunks from doing whatever it is that they're doing.

The only explanation that we have for all of this strange activity, is a single sentence uttered by one of the ballplayers: "It's a whistle only skunks can hear."

Maybe it's just me, but I really can't see anyone reading this comic and then rolling on the floor in laughter. In fact, I can't see anyone reading this comic and understanding it. How could a cat come upon a whistle that only skunks could hear? Why would anyone invent such a whistle? If it's a skunk call, why do the skunks not go to Heathcliff? Does the umpire smell like a skunk? And why the hell is Heathcliff even doing this? Are there not better ways for a cat to hold up a ballgame?

Is the joke supposed to be that it's a skunk mating call, and that the skunks have come running and now have attached themselves to the only creature that is black and white? Not only is that completely immaterial to a baseball game, it's blatantly stupid. Even if we disregard the fact that the skunks appear to be blind, the umpire is dressed more in brown than in black and white.

Perhaps they think the umpire is a large, dirty skunk. Perhaps I'm starting to think like the writers of Heathcliff. Perhaps I should close this post before I completely lose my sanity. . . . .

Sunday, June 28, 2009 Heathcliff the Cat Analyzed

In this Heathcliff comic, a mouse sees Heathcliff's disembodied head appear from around the corner. Frightened, the mouse retreats into a tunnel-like opening in the wall in panel two. Panel three sees Heathcliff assuming a catlike pose near the opening in the wall. Panel four is an exact duplicate of panel three, and therefore a waste of ink. Panel five is also a copy of panel three, except that after wasting ink on panel four, the artist has apparently run short. Consequently, both Heathcliff and the wall have lost their color. In panel six, Heathcliff has regained his color and, sitting on his haunches, he looks at a watch attached to his front leg. In panels seven, eight and nine, Heathcliff assumes the characteristics of a biped. Entering another room, he borrows a joke from the old Ralph Wolf & Sam Sheepdog cartoons, picking up a time card and punching a time clock. In the final panel, we see that Heathcliff, having clocked out, has inexplicably returned to his workplace to go to sleep. Next to him, a mouse is speaking to a floating mouse head, saying "It's safe once he goes off duty."

The most disturbing thing about this comic (apart from the floating heads and the waste of ink), is the fact that Heathcliff, incapable of uttering an intelligible word, is on someone's payroll, while the mouse, seeming to be quite fluent in English, is forced to live in a hole in the wall. But I guess this is typical of life, where the talented go unnoticed while the inept become successful.

Saturday, June 27, 2009 Heathcliff Analyzed

Further to my attempt to understand Heathcliff, I have completed an in-depth study of this date's strip. The following observations were made:

1. The cat Heathcliff is standing in the old man's front yard. We are led to believe that it is night by the moon appearing between the houses, in front of a black cloud which has somehow taken a square chunk out of the moon. The cat has managed to obtained a small cat-sized tuba which he is playing, despite the late hour.

2. An old woman has apparently been roused from her sleep in the neighboring house. She is looking out of her window with fogged-up glasses towards the tuba-playing cat. Her visage indicates that she may be sleepwalking, or comatose, or both.

3. The old man (apparently Heathcliff's owner) is standing in his doorway. Despite the light spilling out into the yard, he casts no shadow, leading us to believe that he is a vampire. He is nonchalantly trying to explain Heathcliff's uncatlike behavior by stating that the tuba playing is his mating call. As the sound of a tuba would send normal cats running, we are left in the dark as to what Heathcliff wishes to mate with. We saw in my previous post that Heathcliff had attempted to mate with the old man's head; however, in this strip it appears that he wishes to mate with a sheep. This seems evident by the fact that he is blowing balls of wool from his tuba.

Unfortunately, after this analysis, I feel even further from understanding whatever humor may be lurking within this comic.

My introduction to Heathcliff

Not long ago I decided to do a blog about the daily Marmaduke comic, after it had been brought to my attention that Marmaduke was . . . . , well, just not funny. While looking through some old Marmaduke comics I happened to come across Heathcliff the Cat. I'm now rather embarrassed that I overlooked this strip in my study of humorless comics, for it most definitely deserves a very special place of its own.

The strip shown above is the one that really got me interested in this comic. Here are some observations that I made about it.

1. The cat, Heathcliff has attached himself firmly to the head of an old man. Motion lines above and next to Heathcliff's head show that he is moving, apparently in the performance of some sort of act of perversion.

2. The old man is standing motionless, making no attempt to remove the cat from his head. This gives the impression that he is accustomed to the cat defiling his head, or possibly that he derives some pleasure from it himself.

3. An old woman is seated on the couch, observing this act of depravity. With an angry expression, she makes a completely irrelevant comment about some unidentified party always knowing when it's payday.

4. The cat responds to the woman's remark by expelling a large cotton-ball from his rear end, projecting it towards the woman's lap.

After studying this strip, my reaction was "WTF?" Not only was there no humor, but it made no sense. Thinking that this one strip was just an isolated case of egregious drivel, I looked into the comic further. My findings were that it appears to be a daily production of flagrant driveling.

Therefore, in the spirit of fairness, I firmly believe that Heathcliff deserves equal time with Marmaduke - if not more time. And so I have created this blog as well, in which I'll attempt to make in-depth analyses of this most singular comic.